How to help my daughter to increase her self esteem?
December 3rd, 2008
Trish asked:
My daughter is 10, in the 5th grade and she’s an only child.
My daughter is 10, in the 5th grade and she’s an only child.
She’s a very happy girl overall, but the girls at school in her classroom and on the playground having been saying things that are critical and rude to her lately and it just devestates her. They say they do not like her shoes or she’s too tall or she cannot play basketball worth a darn and she cries every night about these things they have said to her.
She does not know how to let it roll off of her and move on. I am talking with her constantly about it, but it’s not helping at all.
I did put her in gymnastics two days a week (she’s good at that) that may help her feel good about herself and increase her self-confidence. Any other ideas? Is this just little girl pre-teen angst? How do I know it’s not more serious?
MELODY
My sister’s ten too and kids act mean to her as well. I just tell her she’s a good kid and those other kids are just jealous. Kids used to pick on me when I was in 6th grade, so I lost a lot of weight but I also talk to kids who are odd balls so no one has to be like I was. Talking basically helps, but you might want to think about taking her to a therapist.
Good question. It sounds more like she’s overly sensitive than lacking in self esteem. So you deal with this in a practical manner. You explain that sometimes kids her age do not behave very nicely and say mean and/or hurtful things. Mainly it’s because they feel insecure about themselves and it is a poor choice in methods to cope with their own negative feelings. Let her know that in life we all have to deal with people who say rude and/or hurtful things. Then ask her if she can think of more productive ways to deal with this rather than wasting her evening crying? Make a list together.
Also, check with the teacher and school to find out to what degree this is going on. It could be more than the typical immaturity of kids that age, or it might be an issue with a certain group of kids.
Also check with your daughter to make sure she’s not being mean or rude in return.
Good Luck
well what i would do is march to that school and raise heck with that principal seeing as how they let it go on. maybe ask for some watchers outside to make sure everything stays in order. tell the teacher to make sure to chew out any little buggers who have a big mouth and nock off that behaviour. crushing a little girls self esteem can have devastating effects when she gets older like drugs, self inflicting wounds, or even suicide so make sure to clear all of it up. maybe ask your daughter how she can stay happy everyday like maybe sneak her a treat everyday like an extra sweet or something she can look forward to when she gets home. BUT if it doesn’t work out with that school you might wanna think about transfering your daughter to a different school. hope i helped and wish you and your daughter best of luck!
Gymnastics was a great idea. You could suggest other after school activities too such as sports or martial arts. maybe she could talk to the school counselor to help her deal with her feelings. I had many issues and didnt get any help til highschool then I had a weekly appointment with the school counselor and she helped me deal with a lot of issues. just having someone to talk to helps.
Spend time with her, tell her you love her. Let her know when she has done a good job at somthing. Teach her how to learn from mistakes.Give her some responsiblity and that will give her pride. Good Luck!
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